April Fools: A Hiester Classic

April 1, 2005. Todd and I were engaged and I was living alone in my apartment (oh, how I miss that place - it was so... clean). He had finished a job the day before and had been paid with cash. He hadn't had time to get to the bank, so he stashed the cash in a safe place for the night, intending to take it to the bank the next morning.

I had taken the day off to attend Kurstin's track meet, but it didn't start until mid-morning. At 8am I received a phone call from Todd. He informed me that the money was either missing or misplaced. He specifically recalled putting it in his Star Wars stein, but the entire cup was not where he thought he left it. He wasn't quite positive that he had put the cup where he thought he had, so he began a thorough search of the house. Because of the amount of cash, he didn't put it in his usual hiding place, in case it had been compromised. He chose a new location- the stein- and placed it in his closet behind some board games. Sounds secure enough.

We went through some options to try to figure out what could have happened. It seemed that only three scenarios were plausible: 1 - He actually hid the money somewhere else, but couldn't recall where. 2 - Someone had entered the house and taken the money. 3 - The kids got into it.

The only answer that seemed even remotely likely was that Todd had forgotten his actual hiding spot. So while he waited for me to get ready and get over to his house, he ransacked the place. If the house wasn't tossed before, it certainly looked like it now. He upturned mattresses, couches and dresser drawers. He searched everywhere... to no avail.

When I arrived, we took the next logical action: we went to the school to interrogate the kids. We started with Wesley (for no particular reason, other than the fact that he was the oldest). We sat down with him at the tables outside the cafeteria and told him that something had happened at home. Something that could affect the whole family in a very negative way. Not needing any further prompting, Wesley said, "Does it have to do with that cup?" At this point, time stalled. He knew something. We were about to solve the mystery. Would it be bad? What could have happened?

"Yes... Do you know where the cup is?"

"Yeah, its in Tyler's backpack."

"And did you happen to see what was inside the cup?"

"Yeah. A LOT of money."

"And is the money still in the cup?"

"No. I have it right here." And with that being said, Wesley proceeded to dig FORTY 100 dollar bills from the little zippered pocket in the leg of his shorts. Our eyes about popped out of our heads. Time halted. No one breathed. When the money had safely transfered possession, we began the tirade of how wrong this was... in so many ways!!! Why they had it in the first place, what they should have done when they found it, the danger they were in being in possession of that much cash at school... We questioned Tyler as well, who tried to keep his composure at first, but finally broke down in tears, proclaiming, "I hate to lie!!!"

Here is how it all went down:

Tyler wanted to buy a book from the book fair. He was going to get into his dad's change jar (not okay) to get what he needed. There was no time to rummage for change without the risk of getting caught, so he snagged the whole cup, tucked it into his backpack, and headed for the bus. Once on the bus, he dug out the cup to sift for the change he needed. To his surprise, when he opened the cup, he found not only the change he sought, but $4,000 cash! Fear. Utter fear. Unfortunately, the other kids on the bus saw the money, too. Tyler didn't think it would be safe in his backpack (smart move there), so Wesley stuffed it in his zippered pocket, thereby securing it on his person. Their plan was to replace it when they got home. Sadly for them, we found that it was missing before they had the chance to carry out their brilliant plan. (As mentioned before, luck is never on Tyler's side.)

This was the day the boys lost everything. Every last item was removed from their room, including the bunk beds. They were left with nothing but two mattresses on the floor and a stack of their clothes. No toys, no books, no nothing. At the end of that month, Ally had a birthday party (sleepover) and one of the girls noticed the boys' stark room. She exclaimed, "oh, I hate it when my parents watch Dr. Phil!"

For the boys, this was a lesson learned the hard way. They set out to commit a medium-sized offense, but it turned out to be the biggest offense ever committed by any Hiester kid in the history of our family. Today it is something we all can laugh hysterically about. Around here, this incident is known as "The time the boys stole the $4,000."