Bodily malFunctions

Well, I finally got to connect with Amy today. We have had a hard time even finding time to talk on the phone between her adjusting to newborn twins and my, um... tornado. So she called me this morning right about the time Robben went down for his morning nap. Perfect. Or so one would think.

When the phone rang, he fussed a bit, so I assumed it roused him from his almost-slumber. The whole time I was on the phone, Robben was in his room off-and-on fussing/crying. I figured he was just fighting sleep. Oh how wrong I was.

After Amy and I hung up, I went in to check on him and lay him back down and settle him in for his nap. As I entered my room (an antechamber, of sorts, to his), a stench hung in the air that suggested something was terribly amiss. How odd that a poopie diaper would be so strong. Ahhh, not odd at all... at first glance, I realized the root of the problem. Sure, Robben had a poopie diapy, but then he proceeded to remove it and fingerpaint on his crib with the contents. Poo covered the entire bed. Sheets, blankets, stuffed animals, bed, baby: all poo-covered. He had done some pretty innovative fingerpainting on the slats of the crib, but what was most impressive was the creativity applied in the work of art that was his sheets. I think he might be trying to break into the art world of "butt-stamping". His poo-covered bootie had left uncountable marks: I suspect this first "piece" was actually an artist's rendition of his family. I'm not sure if we should be flattered or not.

Robben and I just stared at each other, both of us undoubtedly wondering where to begin. I'm so thankful his mouth-region was not tainted. He held his hands out, fingers splayed, and gave me the look that says, "yeah, probably wasn't a good idea, huh? Can you fix it?" I removed the rest of his clothes, which at this point consisted of a shirt, hosed him off in the shower, and re-diapered him. I then strapped him down to his changing table and went to work on the bed. Luckily, it's laundry day anyway. He waited ever-so-patiently while I worked. Certainly, he knew this situation was his doing, so thought better of complaining about being in bondage. At long last, the bed was fit for a nap, so Robben took one with nary a wimper.

After his trip to dreamland, he donned his second outfit of the day and we joined Daddy for lunch. He was far too interested in the "crrr-uck" (truck), the cows, and of course Daddy, to eat anything, so afterwards I took him to a Starbucks where we could enjoy a light breeze on the patio and he could have his lunch.

All was going well until the coughing started. If you've read some of my previous posts, you know that this is a precursor to puking. He coughs pretty hard and gets a little purple mark on his forehead, sorta like Gorbechev. This is my warning to get out of the way. Yep. I was right. Out came all that I had put in + a few morsels from earlier in the day. The tray of his stroller was full to overflowing, and the seat, his shirt, shorts and bib, and the patio were puke-covered. Twice in one day Robben and I looked at each other wondering, "hmmm, exactly how do we handle this one?" First things first. I removed the tray and dumped it in the bushes before Robben could get any artistic impulses. Then I stripped him and went to fetch lots of napkins. As I was cleaning up the expelled contents of my baby's tummy, Bernie, my instructor at the gym, came round the corner having recognized Robben's voice. Unusual circumstances aside, we enjoyed a nice little chat as she soaked up some rays and I wrestled a naked babe.

Once home, I gave up on the clothes. Why push it, you know? I did put him in his bed for a little "quiet time" - that's sort of an oxymoron at this point, but we're working towards a goal - and when I returned he was again naked. Luckily the diaper was empty this time. But I think I need to come up with a way to baby-proof his diapers. Maybe I'll start giving him a duct tape belt!

Now that Robben is safely with the Sand Man for the night, I am pleased to report that the third outfit of the day remained relatively unsoiled... drool doesn't count.

Robben Carey Strikes Again

As my faithful followers (that makes me sound famous... or insane) have read, Robben Carey is a busy little boy. I have further evidence to present henceforth.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my ob/gyn. (Lucky for me, I got to stay fully clothed.) Little Robben gets to go everywhere with Mommy... even places that are simply not meant for little boys. Thankfully, Dr. Mason has a 3-year-old boy, so he is immune to their antics. Robben toddled about the room, looking for devices to amuse him. Unfortunately, his search was successful...

Stirrups.

I'm not sure there's anything more to say.

Oh Snap! : A Hiester Classic

One night when Wesley was probably oh, 14 or 15, he was sitting on our bed playing absently with an elastic string. Apparently the string had come from the waistband of his boxers. He had wrapped one end of it around his big toe and had the other end between his teeth and was pulling to and fro with his leg. Don't ask why such a thing was even happening... this is Wesley we're talking about, after all. I mean really, who puts discarded portions of their underpants in their mouth???

Well, as one might imagine, there came a breaking point... literally. The end of the elastic that was wrapped around his toe broke free, snapping his lip with surprising force. Sadly for him, the reaction was similar to a burn-reflex... it happened before his pride had time to jump in and censor it for him. His hand flew to his mouth almost as quickly as the string had. And then his eyes darted about to check for witnesses. My self-control is terrible in these situations: I was already on the floor in a fit of laughter.

Wesley thinks it's hilarious, too, though he still insists that the pain was incredible. He actually asked me to tell this story for your entertainment now. If you enjoyed it, you can thank him... for the content as well as for the permission to exploit his regrettable, however self-inflicted, mishaps.

April Fools: A Hiester Classic

April 1, 2005. Todd and I were engaged and I was living alone in my apartment (oh, how I miss that place - it was so... clean). He had finished a job the day before and had been paid with cash. He hadn't had time to get to the bank, so he stashed the cash in a safe place for the night, intending to take it to the bank the next morning.

I had taken the day off to attend Kurstin's track meet, but it didn't start until mid-morning. At 8am I received a phone call from Todd. He informed me that the money was either missing or misplaced. He specifically recalled putting it in his Star Wars stein, but the entire cup was not where he thought he left it. He wasn't quite positive that he had put the cup where he thought he had, so he began a thorough search of the house. Because of the amount of cash, he didn't put it in his usual hiding place, in case it had been compromised. He chose a new location- the stein- and placed it in his closet behind some board games. Sounds secure enough.

We went through some options to try to figure out what could have happened. It seemed that only three scenarios were plausible: 1 - He actually hid the money somewhere else, but couldn't recall where. 2 - Someone had entered the house and taken the money. 3 - The kids got into it.

The only answer that seemed even remotely likely was that Todd had forgotten his actual hiding spot. So while he waited for me to get ready and get over to his house, he ransacked the place. If the house wasn't tossed before, it certainly looked like it now. He upturned mattresses, couches and dresser drawers. He searched everywhere... to no avail.

When I arrived, we took the next logical action: we went to the school to interrogate the kids. We started with Wesley (for no particular reason, other than the fact that he was the oldest). We sat down with him at the tables outside the cafeteria and told him that something had happened at home. Something that could affect the whole family in a very negative way. Not needing any further prompting, Wesley said, "Does it have to do with that cup?" At this point, time stalled. He knew something. We were about to solve the mystery. Would it be bad? What could have happened?

"Yes... Do you know where the cup is?"

"Yeah, its in Tyler's backpack."

"And did you happen to see what was inside the cup?"

"Yeah. A LOT of money."

"And is the money still in the cup?"

"No. I have it right here." And with that being said, Wesley proceeded to dig FORTY 100 dollar bills from the little zippered pocket in the leg of his shorts. Our eyes about popped out of our heads. Time halted. No one breathed. When the money had safely transfered possession, we began the tirade of how wrong this was... in so many ways!!! Why they had it in the first place, what they should have done when they found it, the danger they were in being in possession of that much cash at school... We questioned Tyler as well, who tried to keep his composure at first, but finally broke down in tears, proclaiming, "I hate to lie!!!"

Here is how it all went down:

Tyler wanted to buy a book from the book fair. He was going to get into his dad's change jar (not okay) to get what he needed. There was no time to rummage for change without the risk of getting caught, so he snagged the whole cup, tucked it into his backpack, and headed for the bus. Once on the bus, he dug out the cup to sift for the change he needed. To his surprise, when he opened the cup, he found not only the change he sought, but $4,000 cash! Fear. Utter fear. Unfortunately, the other kids on the bus saw the money, too. Tyler didn't think it would be safe in his backpack (smart move there), so Wesley stuffed it in his zippered pocket, thereby securing it on his person. Their plan was to replace it when they got home. Sadly for them, we found that it was missing before they had the chance to carry out their brilliant plan. (As mentioned before, luck is never on Tyler's side.)

This was the day the boys lost everything. Every last item was removed from their room, including the bunk beds. They were left with nothing but two mattresses on the floor and a stack of their clothes. No toys, no books, no nothing. At the end of that month, Ally had a birthday party (sleepover) and one of the girls noticed the boys' stark room. She exclaimed, "oh, I hate it when my parents watch Dr. Phil!"

For the boys, this was a lesson learned the hard way. They set out to commit a medium-sized offense, but it turned out to be the biggest offense ever committed by any Hiester kid in the history of our family. Today it is something we all can laugh hysterically about. Around here, this incident is known as "The time the boys stole the $4,000."

Hiester Classics

We have so many funny stories from years past, that I've decided to begin a series that I will call "Hiester Classics". Every family has those "remember when..." stories, and since our family has so many members, we tend to have a lot of those stories. On a regular basis, one of the kids comes up with some memory that brings back the laughter. I've asked each of them to come up with one that they'd like me to share. So far we have 3 or 4, but there are probably hundreds if we brainstormed. Check back regularly... they'll be comin'.

Missing 20 Found!

It was under the couch...
(refer to "The Silly Things That Boys Do" for background)

Mr. Mischief (An Update On Robben's Doings)

Oh, the joys of raising a boy! I'm reading Dr. Dobson's book "Bringing Up Boys" (ha ha! I was distracted just now when I was typing and I accidently put "Bringing Up Beans"! Don't ask me why :)) And it seems that my little man is "textbook". I have a feeling we'll be getting to know the staff at the emergency room on a personal level over the next few years. No ER visits yet, but I'm sure they're in our future...

Here are some of his antics over the last few days...

He dug through his diaper bag, removed a container of green beans, popped off the lid, and took a few swipes at it with his own fingers (as evidenced by the green face he sported later) before feeding it to Lily. I walked in to find him hovering curiously over the dog as he studied her lapping form. (He was under Tyler's supervision at the time, who happened to be reading a book, and his response to the situation was, "well then you guys watch him if it's that important." This to Wesley, Amy and myself as we were sharing the duty of preparing dinner.)

When I caught him with a pen in his mouth, I spouted off the usual statement: "Not for your mouth!" And he very quickly shoved the pen into the dog's mouth, who happened to be standing by as an accomplice.

Sunday at church, Robben toddled over to a walker, - clearly not noticing that someone was using it! - grabbed both sides of it and proceeded to shake it with all his might. I ran over and apologized profusely, and the elderly lady answered, "oh, good thing I was holding on!"

Today Robben and I colored. At one point, Lily made off with a crayon. I tracked her down to confiscate the drawing utensil, but knowing what the doggie's heart truly desired, Robben took the very same crayon back to the pooch and gently stuck it in her mouth.

Again, Robben decided to sit in the doggie bed. He now enjoys playing in the crate, sometimes closing himself in. (If I was a kid, I would love that. I remember the secure feeling of being underneath the up-turned laundry basket.) To make my life a smidge easier, I removed the empty food dish and not-so-empty water dish. I placed the water dish on the hearth, thinking that would be good enough. I am learning. A little while later, as I spoke with my dear friend Amy on the phone, Robben not only splashed violently in the water, spilling it on the hearth and the floor, but I barely made it over in time to stop him from lapping the dog's water up with his own tongue. What's good for Lily is good for Robben (or so seems to be his mind set).

I cleaned the living room today, which is close to impossible with a male toddler on the loose... and we won't even talk about the dog. (It was almost as difficult as untangling a mass of 12 latex balloons and 2 oversized mylars outdoors in a windstorm with no assistance. I did that the day Amy brought her twins home. It took me a half an hour and afterwards I had to apologize for the hair stuck in the ribbons of the balloons, because with all the whipping wind, balloons and hair, factored in with the static cling, I lost quite a bit of my mop to the endeavor.) Anyway, aside from taking things out as I was putting them away, Robben found it very entertaining to stomp in the piles I had swept up. Think kid jumping in leaves, but substitute cat litter and dust bunnies.

That's all I can think of for now. Suffice it to say, my little one keeps me running and laughing. I'm so thankful for my precious boy... certainly there will never be a dull day!

The Ultimate Irony

There are two things about Tyler that are factual and undeniable.

First, he has bad luck. This is not a superstition, or a woe-is-me attitude (though he oft has that as well), but just a basic, fundamental truth of the universe. If everybody has a balloon and one pops, its Tyler's (that happened once). He cannot win a game of chance. He has never rolled a yahtzee. He once paraded around the house in victory because he got second at Monopoly... it's sad when your kid is glad he only lost to one person!

Second, there are few living souls on Earth who read more than Tyler Hiester. Once he gets his hands on a book, it takes but a few hours for him to devour it. He read "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy in second grade. In fourth grade he earned $100 by reading the bible cover to cover... and he retains it. He also loves to write and aspires to be a book editor when he grows up, and perhaps even an author one day.

Here is the irony: Tyler James Leroy Hiester has NEVER had a paper cut!!!

The Silly Things That Boys Do

Though it's hard for me to write daily, Robben has been giving me plenty of material lately. He's upping the anty. If all of these other kids hadn't broken me in (well, broken me), I'd probably be stressed and exasperated. On the contrary, I find Robben's mischief quite amusing :)

The other day, Robben was in my room with the door shut. He likes to play with the doors, but once he gets it shut, he has to wait for me to open it. He usually communicates his need for help with an ear-splitting, brain-bleeding scream, but we're working on it. He's finally learning the magic word. Anyway, I went to open the door for him (I was on the outside) and he came out toting a piece of toilet paper... that was still attached to the roll. It trailed from my bathroom, through my room, down the hall and into the living room. I guess it's a testimony to Charmin Extra Strong!

The same morning, Robben was going through my purse. Nothing unusual. Wesley had given me $40 to order Amy's corsage for the prom and I had just shoved it in my purse. Well, apparently Robben dug the money out and was playing with it. Currently, I've only located one of the 20s. I'm sure the other will turn up in some random place like the silverware drawer or somebodies laundry basket.

My little man is developing an affinity for blankets. Anything remotely resembling a blanket can be a recipient of physical affection from my boy. Well the waste basket in his room has a fabric lining. The other day, he removed that lining and came out hugging it and smiling with self-satisfaction. I later learned that the trash was still in it... diaper trash.

This morning in the car, Robben got a little crazier with his dance moves. He now incorporates his arms in a drumming motion. We looked back and his arms were waving, his face in an open-mouthed, pink-cheeked grin. Pure, unadulterated joy.

Also this morning, Robben got into the boys' room. For some reason he loves getting on Tyler's bed. He must know it's destined to be his one day. He exited the room with Tyler's wallet, a chapstick and a bracelet. At first I thought he was engaging in theivery, but upon further investigation I learned that he had practiced fair trade. In place of the items he lifted, he left an American flag on a short stick, his favorite blanket, and a stuffed dog. I suppose that teaches me not to doubt his character!

Wesley reported that there was a wrestling match between the baby and the pooch the other day. Apparently there was a lot of rolling around, drooling and teeth-baring by both parties.

The Dynamic Duo

Robben & Lily. Oh my goodness! These two, you would not believe their antics. They have become best buds, and I think they might both be having crises of identity. Lily thinks it perfectly acceptable to dig through Robben's toys to find something she deems chew-worthy. And likewise, Robben can often be found with one of Lily's toys, or dare I admit - a bone, in his mouth. Robben enjoys waving a blanket in Lily's face, taunting her into a game of tug-o-war, one of her favorites. And when Mommy says no, Lily is the first to loose her grip. She turns her little doggie face away in a respectable attempt at self-control, while Robben continues to tease her. When they're not playing with each other's toys or playing tug-o-war, these two little geniuses devise a wicked plan to ruin things that don't belong to them. Yesterday, Robben opened the game cabinet and pulled out the Uno cards. He then proceeded to dump them out onto the floor, where Lily then came and selected a few to make off with and chew to smitherines. Oh well, at least that commotion distracted Robben from eating the box! And whenever the baby and the dog are outside, you can bet one or both of them will be carrying a stick... and yes, they both have been allowed to bring their sticks in to chew up.

Whenever I eat, you can count on four eyes on me, in bold-faced begging fashion. Luckily, Lily only sits looking as cute as can be, sometimes on her hind legs, hoping I'll toss her a bone (so to speak). Robben, on the other hand, is a bit more assertive about his desires. Today he tried in vain to climb into my lap. When that didn't work, he settled for putting our house phone into my water - charger side down. Not to worry, it still works. He did manage to get a good portion of my sandwich (after his own lunch, mind you). Then he brought me a little carton of goldfish crackers that he found in somebody's Easter Basket. I gave him about four at a time. He'd stick 3 in his mouth and tease Lily with the 4th one. A couple of times he gave it to her, but I did catch him once allowing her to lick it, but then keeping it for himself... and yes, eating it. This isn't the worst of it. Sometimes Robben invites Lily to lick the roof of his mouth while he giggles uncontrollably.

During Robben's morning nap today, Lily snoozed in her doggie bed... head thrown back, mouth open and snoring! And speaking of that doggie bed, Robben was found sitting in it, playing with my car keys this evening. That doesn't sound like much, but this bed is inside a dog crate/kennel thing :) So Robben had crawled into the crate and found his way to Lily's favorite spot. I guess he wanted to see what all the hype was about.

Lily's food and water are also kept in the crate, keeping it safe from plundering kitties - namely Rascal, who is on a diet... Julius and Peep, the canaries, are a bit nervous, too. Robben enjoys splashing his hands in Lily's water. I tell him no, which he usually respects, but the other day he got clever. He walked around to the side of the crate (rather than using the front door) and stuck his hands through the bars and splashed to his little heart's content. He didn't even stop when he saw me watching. Almost as if he figured I just didn't want him splashing the water from the door, but going through the bars would be just fine.

Hopefully soon I can get a good picture of these two in action. At this point in the game, they seem to view each other as equals (unlike the cats, who are clearly and obviously above such nonsense). I'm glad they have both found such a friend. Aaaahhhh, my boy and his dog :) :) :)

Weekly Trivia

Fun Facts by Kurstin Hiester
Didyanose:
The average head has 100,000 hairs on it ,and each hair has its own little muscle that can make it stand up when you're scared.(Beards are the fastest growing hairs.Yuck!) If you stretch out all of your Blood vessels (Warning:don't try this at home) you'd have enough to circle around the Earth 2 times, and yet your little o'l heart pumps blood through those vessels and back once every minute. Your brain is 74%water. A womens heart pumps faster than a mans. We have 2 million sweat glands. We produce 25,000 quarts of spit in a lifetime thats enough to fill 2 swimming pools. You have 46 miles of nerves. If your right-handed your right lung is bigger than your left lung, but more important your finger-nails on your right hand grow faster. Your stomach gets a new lining every 3 days. If it didn't the digestive system (which can corrode Iron) would go crazy, it would eat itself alive in 2 weeks. No two tongue prints are the same , plus a tastebud on that same tongue only lasts 7-10 days, so treat it well. Lots of chocolate!!!!!!!!!:):):):):):):)

A Very Hiester Easter

We did things a little differently here in the Hiester house for Easter this year. Rather than the kids just waking up and finding their baskets on the kitchen table, I wanted them to do a little work for them... So I created an Easter Scavenger Hunt.


The clues started at the table, where Todd had made a "Hoppy Easter" sign with a rabbit giving the first clue. (He did this the night before while I was at the hospital with Amy)

From there the kids were led around the house finding further clues to the whereabouts of their Easter treats. The clues were all designed to be fun, but easy enough for Elissa to help out. Of course, Tyler knew what all of them were right off the bat. They worked as a team to make sure everyone could be involved.

The final clue led them to the car, and the jackpot. The baskets!

Everyone brought them back in and rummaged through the loot. Amy (Schleuter)- can you talk to Wesley about the faces he makes when I'm trying to take pictures? Thanks :)

Then Daddy got Robben up and he got his Easter Basket. He didn't get to participate in the Scavenger Hunt, but I'm not sure he would have gotten the concept anyway :)

He was enthralled with the pinwheel, but I don't think it really compared to the animal crackers :) He chose those for breakfast...which actually beat everyone else's meal of chocolate. Certain rules do get suspended on holidays :)

After the egg-citement (sorry, I had to do it) of baskets and candy, everyone ran off to get ready for church- the important part of Easter. Naturally we got there late and ended up sitting in the cafe (it was either that or the lobby, so hey, not bad). Apparently, Robben cried the whole time and they finally came and got me right at the end of service. He was fine after that, but I worked in the nursery during the next service and he would not go back to his class. Ally ended up sitting in the family room with him. I don't know if it was the unorthodox breakfast, but this was definitely a new attitude for Robben Carey, who absolutely loves his church class. I hope it was a one time thing!!!

After church we headed over to Chad & Tara's for family, food and fun. She had lots of games planned and even more prizes to give out (she had an overzealous basket-making grandparent). The first game was "Chubby Bunny". The kids have to stuff their cheeks with as many marshmallows as possible, and then say "chubby bunny". If they can utter the magic phrase, they spit out the marshmallows and count them. Whoever has the most wins.

The boys get pretty disgusting with it. Wesley causes quite a scene with lots of yelling, laughing, gagging and spitting. In the end, he had the same number as Tyler, but he couldn't say chubby bunny. I think Tyler won (quietly).

After some more grazing around the food display, we sent the guys out to "hide" eggs. We had them leave 30 eggs out in the open for Robben and the twins to "find"... more like collect.

I remember saying last year, "Just imagine, next year Robben will be running around with the rest of them hunting for eggs." Sure enough! I think he got about 7. He doesn't care what's inside, though. It's all about putting them in the basket :)

And the ones that were placed on the swings got a ride :) We had to convince him to take them. He loves giving things rides, so when he saw the eggs on the swings he was all about gently pushing them back and forth. My little cutie.

Next the kids did Egg Bowling. It's actually more like horseshoes, but whatever. Tara placed an orange (it was supposed to be a hard-boiled egg that was left white, but she forgot to save one) on the grass, and then everyone got a colored egg to throw. Whoever got closest won. Because there were so many prizes, they got to play a lot. Probably everyone won except Tyler... he has terrible luck.

Robben didn't really get a turn, per se, but he did go over and pick up the orange once :) He was probably going to go put it in his basket!

When the kids were all done, Todd and Chad tried their hands at it. My man actually hit the orange with his egg :) :) :)

Then we ate some more. We did the usual grazing, but we also had ham sandwiches and various potato and pasta salads. And candy.

The final game was one without a name. The kids had to sit in a chair with a cup on their heads. Someone would hold a mirror in front of them and they would have to try to fill their cups with candy. Ally found out it's pretty easy when you touch the cup, so we had to make a rule: no touching the cup :) Naturally, Tyler's fell off his head before he even started. On his second attempt, he managed to fill the cup almost to the brim, but didn't know when to say enough is enough, so it tipped, spilling it's entire contents. This game was a bit more hazardous for the baby, with so much candy all over the ground (choking hazard, in Elissa's words.).

This final picture is included to prove a point I've been trying to make for years: Tyler is weird!

The Hiesters had a good Easter, and we hope your family did as well...

And What Did The Easter Bunny Bring You This Year?

I hope you had a good Easter. I'd venture to say that the Heasley family received the best Easter gifts EVER, though. Amy's twins baked for 38 weeks to the day, overstaying their welcome, needless to say. She tried everything to get the process started: lots of walking, eating Chinese food, drinking nasty concoctions, and other activities not to be mentioned on a G-rated blog. What finally did the trick? Jogging, jumping jacks, and a whole lot of patience.

Amy went in to the hospital on Saturday evening, hoping for something to happen. After all the tricks and prayers, she was finally admitted. I was able to hang out with her until about 1am, but Easter being the next day, I had to head home to prepare a good time for my fam.

Amy did get an epidural for the first time... she's had 5 babies without drugs, but the twins finally convinced her to allow modern medicine to help :) All the doctors and all the nurses advised Amy to consider a C-section, but that was something she really wanted to avoid. Apparently it is quite rare to have twins the old-fashioned way. My dear friend Amy is a rare gem, though. She delivered both babies the hard way, elevating her status to "legend" at the hospital. One nurse said, "We do that here?'' She did have to be in the operating room in case there was an emergency. At 2:42am on Easter Sunday, April 12, Jonas Logan Heasley was delivered directly into his daddy's hands, and 4 minutes later, Tea Layelle was a good little girl and followed her big brother right out.

And here's the little chap: Jonas Logan Heasley 6lbs 3oz 20"

And the baby of the family: Tea Layelle Heasley 5lbs 13oz 18.5"

Amy and the babies got to come home yesterday (Monday) to very excited brothers and sisters. I don't think there will be a shortage of love or attention for these two lucky babes!!

For more info and pictures, click on "Grandma Honey" under "Blogs I Follow". This is Logan's mom's site and I'm sure she has lots to report. She already has the professional pictures from the hospital - they are super cute! She got to be in the delivery room for the birth of her grandbabies :)

Something New To View

When I was in Kansas visiting Lyndsay & Luis, I saw some amazing photographs around their house. They have a friend who has an incredible eye for some really creative photos, and some of her work is displayed in their home. Lyndsay sent me the link to her website, and I've put it on the blog for your viewing pleasure. She also sent me another one who is based in Denver (or Colorado Springs?). Lyndsay especially loves the photos this lady takes of kids. When they have a family, she hopes to make the trek to have their pictures done there.

So the one Lyndsay has displayed in her house is Christine, and her work seems to be mainly nature and such. The other one is Audrey and she has lots of interesting "people" pictures. Both links are here under "websites 2 check out". Take a gander...

Also under the same heading I have "Jewel", "Da Font", and "Wordle". Jewel is obvious: it is the link to Jewel's website. She has a blog and I'm convinced she's the one who writes on it :) Da Font is a website with thousands of free fonts you can download (you know me). And wordle is this really cool thing where you type in lots of words and then it creates a random "word bubble" using what you put in. You can then change the font and color. If you want one word bigger than the rest, just type it in multiple times. It's pretty cool.

Anyway, these are some of the things I enjoy (besides Hiester Family Antics, of course), so if you have a spare moment, check them out!

Well, That's One Way To Learn!

Wednesday night at dinner, Wesley requested a haircut. Todd declined due to the fact that he had far too much on his plate for the evening as it was (and not his dinner plate). Wesley stated a desire to learn to do it himself anyway, since he won't be able to depend on Todd forever (Wesley's reasoning). As with most things, Wesley's idea of "learning" to do something, is not asking for direction and then listening carefully, perhaps even taking notes. No. Wesley learns from mistakes. A fact that brings much worry to his parents. Whatever task Wesley takes on, he just goes for it... helter-skelter and with arms akimbo (first use of that word, Tara! Go me!) Personal haircutting was no exception. He came charging hysterically into the living room with a towel over his head exclaming, "I HAVE TO FIX THIS!!!" After much coaxing, the towel came down to reveal a patchwork of bald spots, scattered randomly about his somewhat oversized melon. Laughter ensued. There was yelling, begging, crying, laughing and general covorting over Wesley's new do... and this was only Wesley's reaction. Needless to say, Todd did stop what he was doing to "fix" Wesley's hair. All he could really do was shave it off. He gave it the closest shave possible without going "bic"... and there are still some patches of hair shorter, where Wesley had hacked into it!

I asked him after school what type of reaction his hair got, and he said "I got mixed results." He said some people said it looked good, others offered him hats. He wore a borrowed beanie (how do you spell that?) all day until track practice, where he sported a bare head in an effort to tan his scalp. When I picked him up he was wearing a tattered old straw hat that Coach Campbell gave him, supposedly for PRing in two of his events. Mmm-Hmmm. She just didn't want to see the glare off his head, I bet.

So all I have left is a question and a lesson:

The Question: Why, oh why, would you take a razor willy-nilly to your own hair, when -in your own words - "I didn't know how the clippers worked!" 3 months before you graduate???!!!

The Lesson: If your dad says "no", screw it up yourself so he has to fix it.

No Time. No Energy. Plenty of Excuses.

Okay, okay. I know. It's been 2 entire weeks since my last post. But in all fairness, I did write ALL DAY LONG last time. I deserved a break. I hope none of my fans got bored and went searching for more interesting blogs to follow.

So here are just a few of my excuses:
1. I was REALLY sick and didn't have the energy to take care of my family, let alone write about it.
2. Even though I was sick, the world didn't stop turning, which I find deeply offensive. So I still had plenty of responsibilities to keep me busy.
3. Too much keeps happening and it's piling up and it gets too overwhelming, so I put it off for yet another day.
4. My normal blogging time is after bedtime, which also happens to be my showering time, my reading time, my scrapbooking time, and sometimes my exercise time. I've had to prioritize (reading won).

So why don't I give a QUICK update (Robben is napping, therefore this is my alternate shower time)...

*We got the lizard and named him Rex (as in T-Rex). He's BIG, but luckily not all that creepy. I took pictures of him, but that will have to be for another time. So far he is not too neglected. He gets fed daily (chicken, eggs, porkchops, etc), but not really played with a whole lot yet, which I think suits his fancy just fine.

*Track is still going strong, and Tyler has found a new passion. He is driven, as Todd describes it, to get better every day. His current PR (personal record) is 11'-0", which was Todd's PR as a Freshman. There are still 2 months left in this season, so Tyler's goal is to beat dad's record. I think his goal for the season was 11'-6", but I'm pretty sure he has upped it to 12'-0" or 12'-6". Wesley is at 10'-6", but he's not as serious as Tyler. Honestly, we've never seen Tyler this into anything before.

*The girls have found a job. Elissa needed money to pay back some debts (lest cronies come after her kneecaps), so they set up a lemonade stand last week. They made $35!!! The next day they added tea cookies to the menu, but I think they forgot to add the sugar. Luckily, they're cute, 'cause people were payin' 50 cents a piece for those cookies!

*Business finally hit a lull for us (I use the term "us" very loosely). Todd was home for 2 weeks, but work is picking back up now. He has a big job coming up and I've taken 3 calls already today. So keep your fingers crossed that we're on the upswing.

*I suffered a moment of weakness last weekend. We went into an SPCA adoption center and came out with a new pooch. Well, technically. We are not yet in possession of said pooch, but she does bear the last name Hiester. They were calling her Sweety, but we've renamed her Lily. She has to get spayed, so I'm just waiting for a call saying I can come get her. I'm not even sure what day it will be! So since my last post we've managed to acquire a lizard and a dog. And I'm proud to report that we haven't lost any!

*Robben is getting his Easter pictures taken this afternoon. I wanted to do 15 month pics, but the entire month was a bust. First there was pneumonia, then we were in Kansas, and since we've been home, he manages to get bumps, bruises and scabs all over his face and head. That's not even including the chapped rash all over his chin from the CONSTANT drooling (man those teeth take their time coming in!!!). So I just decided that this is it, dang it. If you can see the marks on his head in the pictures, then by golly, that's just the way it is right now!!!

*The main scabbing on the baby's face and head came from his first skateboarding accident. Daddy was pulling him around on the mountainboard and he fell off. He cried, but not because he was hurt. He was just upset about not being on the board anymore! He has also taken to pushing the 3 girls around the living room on a skateboard. Last week he was pushing Ally and the board tipped back, spilling her onto the floor. He walked around, assessing the situation, then pulled mightily on her hair to try to get her back up and on the board. :) :) :)

*Robben has also started riding forward in the car in a big boy car seat. He looks around proudly. The best part: he dances almost the whole time! When Daddy puts on his loud screaming music, Robben throws his head forwards and back (in a head-banging motion). Sometimes he even works his mouth like he's lip singing. The next step is to teach him to hold his hands up in fists as he head bangs :)

*We took the whole family to a Christian concert Sunday night. There were 5 bands, they played for 3 1/2 hours, and it was only $10 per person. It was really cool. The SaveMart Center was packed to the gills. They said there were over 13,000 people there. It was awesome. Afterwards, we told Wesley, Ally and Amy to meet us at Carrows. Then we got stuck in the parking lot. Literally. We didn't move a single inch in 20 minutes! And it was like 9:45, so we just left the car and walked across the street to the Doghouse Grill. We couldn't reach the other kids to tell them the change in plans, so we just waited to get a call from them. We never did! After we ate, we went over to Amy's and waited there. They finally showed up at about 10:45, still hungry. And it was a school night. Ally said she was surviving on her own swallowed spit. Better than someone else's, I'd say. Anyway, we had a good time, and everyone managed to get up on time Monday morning.

If I don't scram now, who knows when I'll get a shower!

Robben, I Have A Feeling We're Not In Kansas Anymore

Welcome Home...

The first words uttered to me by any of my children: "Marianne? We missed the bus." Off to a great start.

And here is the litany of other trials throughout the day:

**The house was a WRECK!!! I don't blame Todd, as he was busy doing my job(s) as well as his. In his words, he was in a permanent state of being on his way to do something else. He literally took his shoes off and fell into bed every day when he got home. But the kids, they are a different story. They had the time, they just didn't have the accountability, so they didn't bother to do ANY of their chores. There were dirty dishes in the sink AND in the cabinets! It took upwards of 2 hours to get the kitchen in any condition to be cooked in... so we had a very late dinner.

**When they were instructed to do their chores properly, with additional chores to get the house back in shape, some of them (they will remain nameless) dragged their feet and needed to be told repeatedly to get back on track. It took me yelling, grounding, and sending them to bed early to get the basics done.

**Fighting girls. Enough said.

**Elissa presented me with the dreaded manila envelope... the survey from the school. One for each kid. At least I'll only have to do 2 of them this year, rather than the 4 I've had to do in the past.

**Unpacking, doing laundry, and general re-entry activities.

Now I understand why the Wicked Witch wanted those stinkin' ruby slippers. I wish I had a pair of my own to magick me back to Kansas.

It Might Have Been Easier To Take A Twister

Well, I can't say the traveling portion of the vacation was very...how should I say?... vacationy. The night before I left, Todd and I both took some cough medicine before hitting the sack at 11pm. I had the alarm set for 5am, giving me an hour to get myself and Robben ready to leave by about 6 to make it to the airport by 6:30 for my 8am flight. Well, the cough medicine prohibited any kind of restful sleep for both of us. We tossed and turned for a couple of hours, knowing that there were precious few left for sleeping. We must have finally dozed off, because I was awakened by the phone ringing at 2:30am. I smacked Todd and said, "the phone is ringing and it's 2:30 in the morning." Of course 2 people came to mind: Amy (34 weeks pregnant with twins) and Papa George (92 and health going downhill). Any call at 2:30 in the morning cannot be good. It turned out to be United Airlines calling to inform me that my flight was cancelled due to mechanical problems. I thanked God right there on the spot. For not putting Robben and me on a potentially dangerous aircraft, and for the phone call notifying me. Oddly enough, the last time Todd and I traveled to see Lyndsay it was for her wedding and our flight was changed without our knowledge... so we missed it... and we had used a travel agent... and we ended up losing a whole day in Mexico. Needless to say, we haven't used that travel agent since. Anyway, United Airlines did me a HUGE favor and called me JUST IN TIME to reschedule on an earlier flight. With a whopping 12 minutes to spare, I booked us on a 6am flight out of Fresno to LA, then on to Denver, and then connecting with my original flight to Wichita. So Lyndsay & Luis would not be affected by this little snafu. I, however, was AFFECTED!!! My arrangements were all settled by 2:48am and with the change, I now had to start getting ready no later than 3am. So the day that never ended turned into the day that was about to begin.

And how did the baby do on the plane? Dare you ask? Well, there are a couple of things that need to be said about that. 1) Robben is a very social baby. He worked the planes, man. In his opinion, every person on that plane was a friend to be made. Why, after all, would they be in his little world if not to love him? 2) Little boys, apparently, are not meant to be confined in small spaces. 3) Someone felt it was a brilliant idea to seat us in a MIDDLE seat, where he couldn't lay down or stretch out. There was smiling, giggling, crying, screaming, shhhing, squirming, kicking, arching, and finally sleeping... and that doesn't even touch on what Robben was doing the whole time! Three flights over = three daring challenges for Mommy. And once we got there, the little chap had to be strapped into a carseat. More screaming ensued. I can't tell you how done I am with the screaming. After "The Day That Never Ended", Lyndsay set me up with a foot massage and an alchoholic beverage. Hallelujah.

The trip home was not much better. It was in the evening when he should be ready to crash for the night. Instead, he walked up and down the aisles, making friends and being all-around rambunctious on the first flight, only falling asleep about 15 minutes before we landed. And on the second flight, there was only a short bout of screaming and fighting before he fell asleep. But that seemed too easy, so he woke up and puked on me. Curdled milk... again. Luckily, I had an extra outfit for him (I'm not stupid), but nothing for me (or maybe I am). He was up and cranky for a little while after that, but then he finally let me have some peace.

I'm sorry if this post was not a lot of fun to read, but you should at least be glad you didn't have to live it! Oh yeah, and Benedryl? It only makes the cranky baby crankier.

The All-Inclusive Chez Perez

A review of one of the most glamorous and sought-after all-inclusive resorts of the midwest: Chez Perez. This patron was highly impressed. The amenities and hospitality are surpassed by none. The owners of Chez Perez, a young married couple, treat you like family (only without the drama) and find little ways to make you feel like you are their highest priority. When you book your stay, the lady in charge asks for your favorite foods and activities. Then arrangements are made to provide you with exactly what you requested. They even place items around your suite to make you feel at home (only without all the responsibility).

I notified Lyndsay, the "mother" of the house, of my desire for bagels & cream cheese, French Onion Sunchips, Wheat Thins, CheezIts, Redvines and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. In addition to a lovely gift basket with all of my favorite treats, she managed to procure a beautiful wedding portrait of my husband and myself to place beside my bed.

The bed itself was AMAZING and is beyond description. In an effort to convey the glory of this bed, I have devoted an entire article to it. For further information, please see the post titled "A Piece Of Heaven."

Across the hall from the suite I stayed in is a lovely little room designed and furnished for the future children of the owners of Chez Perez. They've gone with a beach/ocean scene. Lyndsay painted the mural on the wall and during my stay we perused the aisles of Babies R Us to find some crib bedding that might suit the room.

Unfortunately, I failed to get photos of the rest of the downstairs of the establishment. It has a beautiful common room where the couple entertains guests with movies, tv and junk food; a glorious dining hall where guests enjoy the meals prepared by the on-site chef, Luis; and a fully stocked kitchen that is available for guests to use at their whim. One of my favorite features of the kitchen was this brick accent wall, complete with one of the most charming clocks I've laid eyes on. My husband would love this piece and it would fit perfectly in our own home, but I have a feeling it's a one-of-a-kind.

There is a stairway in the main hall that leads to the master suite - the area of the house that is reserved specifically for the owners. At the bottom of this staircase is a door, which not only marks this as private quarters, but also provides safety measures for any babies that might be visiting.

At the top of the staircase is a long hallway with lots of framed pictures. As mentioned above, the patrons of Chez Perez decorate the place in such a way that makes the guest (in this case, me) feel very important and ... Loved. I prefer to call this "the Hiester hall." Notice the many pictures of my wedding and family.

The entire second story of Chez Perez is the master suite. This is a dream bedroom in my opinion. There is plenty of storage, a sitting area, and most importantly - and most coveted - PRIVACY!!

Check out the amazing wedding photo of the owners, Lyndsay & Luis. They were married on a beach in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, and were given this 24"x 36" framed portrait as a gift.

As previously stated, Luis is the gourmet chef in charge of all meals. One day, before heading off to work (he's a chiropractor), he prepared a scrumptious lunch of beef stew. This was not just any beef stew. This was the best beef stew I have ever enjoyed. Robben, Lyndsay & I devoured it, and continued to munch on it for days to come.

Another day he provided a take and bake pizza, custom ordered. See, Lyndsay doesn't do vegetables, so he pleased us both with half supreme and half meatlovers.

And for my final night, he prepared prime rib, potatoes and asparagus with hollandaise sauce. It was finished off with warm black cherry pie. He began the preparations for this particular meal 2 DAYS before we actually ate it! All things considered, I'd say I ate like a queen!!!

Beyond the resort, Lyndsay and Luis are more than willing to show you around town, go for walks, scout out coffee shops, and even entertain your baby for you. Not only is this a service provided, but it seems to be something the nice young couple enjoys.

In addition to playing with Robben so that I could grab a shower (in my own private bathroom, by the way), they also pushed the stroller on walks so I could enjoy a locally-purchased chai, took him to a park and let him enjoy the slide, and found a place for him to observe some ducks (another luxury to make him feel at home).

When he was a screaming baby, Luis found the cure: his very own Starbucks cup.

At the resort, there is a wonderful foot-massaging machine for your personal use, but if you'd like further services, Lyndsay will make arrangements for that in the nearby city of Hays, KS.

She took me to a delightful place cleverly called Salon Ten o Seven (it's clever because the street address is 1007 something-or-other). The ground floor has brick walls and wood floors and is dedicated primarily to merchandise and hair stylists. The pampering takes place in the basement. I received a pedicure in a small room designed to look like a cave, with low light, rocky walls and interesting sculptures.

After the badly-needed pedicure, I was treated to a full-body massage that began with a jaunt in the steam room and a sea salt scrub. Pictured below is the massage room.

During my services, Lyndsay took Robben to the park, the mall, and to visit Luis at his office (he has an office in Hays as well as Larned). Babysitting service... can't beat that.

After the trip to the spa - and after getting cleaned back up - we headed to a local brewery called Gella's. Again, the decor was brick, wood concrete and steel, a style much appreciated by myself and my husband. The beauty of this brewery: they serve patrons of all ages! Don't worry, he's only drinking milk :)

Just before heading home, Lyndsay & Luis took me to the mall in Wichita to do some last minute shopping. I found Robben a couple of cute outfits, but also wanted to find souvenirs for the other kids. We weren't sure where to look for "Kansas" stuff, but thought we'd give the mall a quick look before deciding to settle for an airport gift shop. With about 10 minutes before closing, we managed to find this store!! I have a feeling God plunked it down right then and there when I needed it. The shopkeeper was a sweet grandma who stayed open long enough for me to find something for everyone.

And the final touch of Chez Perez: an airport shuttle service. Not only did they drive me there, but Luis entertained Robben while Lyndsay made the best of our last few minutes together. They stayed until I was safely checked in and checked over (through security). Lyndsay cried big tears at goodbye... I'm hoping to see her again VERY soon.

Over all, Chez Perez is an AMAZING resort. The only drawback was having to leave. The Perez couple makes Larned, Kansas the ultimate vacation destination for any time of the year. If you have a connection with these wonderful people, I strongly suggest a getaway to their establishment. If you don't have a friend like this, GET ONE!!!

Review by Marianne Hiester

A Piece Of Heaven

Elissa and I (and sometimes Kurstin) have some ideas (and hopes) about Heaven. It all started one day when Elissa was about 6. We were driving - as I so often am - when she announced out of nowhere that when she goes to Heaven, she wants her room to be made out of bubble gum. This began the activity of dreaming up the ideal situation and claiming it as your own personal heaven. Every time we come across, or think up, something that we really love, we add it to our heaven. So now, this is Elissa's description of her heaven: "My room will be made of bubble gum that never loses its flavor, and it will be full of birds that never poop." I love that. She thinks of everything!

Here is mine: I will be in a hammock outdoors in spring/fall (in Heaven I can probably have both at once) with a light breeze and the soft tinkling of windchimes. I will be drinking a never-ending, yet guilt-free chai from Starbucks and reading a book. Robben will be asleep on my chest with his baby face tilted up towards mine. (He'll be all of his baby ages and stages at once) And I recently added that I will be receiving a Rascal massage... she's my fat cat who is ever so SOFT; I just want her poofy warm softness rubbing all over me. And from Kansas, a new addition: the guest bed at Lyndsay's house. The only bad thing about the bed was that I had to get out of it. It was somehow firm, yet cloudlike all at once. The covers were light and fluffy, but warm and cozy. The pillows conformed to my head and body (there were a lot of them) and held me like a baby in Mama's arms. This bed deserves the honor of becoming a permanent part of my heaven.

4 Reasons Todd Would Live In Larned...& 2 Reasons He Absolutely Would Not

The Core of the Hiester Family (Todd & Marianne) will forever reside in Sanger, California. We own 2 acres out in the country and plan to stay here for the rest of our time on Earth. There are many reasons for this, but the top two are: 1) Todd's business is established here, and 2) I don't want to have to deal with all the crap we accumulate, so I'll leave it to the kids when we die!!

Though I know there will be no moving for us, I still have dreams. I hope to one day own an old farmhouse in Tuscany or Umbria and live there for about 3 months out of every year. (See, one day our own house WILL be done, and my dear husband will need another project. Plus, I would love the kids to have a vacation home to take their own families to... I'm HUGE on travel.) I would also love to have a rustic cabin in the mountains. But this particular story is about the possibilities of Kansas. Todd did ask me upon my return, if I could live there. My answer: of course, I can live anywhere (except the desert - we all have limits), because my life is what I make of it. Since I don't work, my life is about my home, my family, my friends and the activities I choose to involve myself in. When you don't have to worry about a job, the location of your life matters far less. Naturally, I imagined life in Kansas while I was there. Heck, I was treated like a queen! I'll go wherever Lyndsay & Luis are!!!

This could be a false impression, but life seems a bit simpler in Kansas. The things that Kansans concern themselves with seem to be slightly more in line with our own values than those of Californians. The prime, numero uno example of this would be the signs I saw up and down the highways - which I neglected to capture on camera :(...

1) "No baby should die by CHOICE"
2) "Smile, your mom chose life" (with a yellow smiley face)
3) A picture of a Koala Bear proclaiming "Save the baby humans!"

This, in my mind is the first of the reasons that Todd would call Kansas home. He is passionate about a few things, abortion being the absolute highest on the list.

Reason #2: pick-ups. In Kansas, you don't call these trucks. A "truck" in Kansas is a "semi" or "diesel" in California. When you are speaking of your car in general in Kansas, you use the word "vehicle". I guess we're too lazy for that here. I mean, come on, that's 3 syllables! I'm stickin' with one: "car". Even Robben can say that...now. Anyway, one of Todd's main interests is classic "pick-ups". He has one for work. I found a couple hangin' out around Lyndsay's neighborhood. When he saw these pictures he let out a long sigh. His most commonly uttered phrase when seeing a classic around town is, "be still my heart."

Reason #3: Beautiful old homes for cheap. Being in the hardwood flooring business, Todd has a great appreciation for older homes with lots and lots of character (and/or quirks). His favorite style of home is Craftsman. Not only is Lyndsay's neighborhood full of craftsman style homes, along with some Victorian, but her own house is a craftsman as well. Due to his love of classic vehicles and craftsman homes, Todd regularly says that he should have been born in a different time. I, personally, am glad he was not.

This particular house has a guest house in back, and this beautiful screened porch, and is selling for $185,000!! Plus, it's already painted Todd's favorite color :)

You might be able to tell in this picture that all the streets of the neighborhood are paved in brick.

Here's another beauty with a guest house in back. Guest house, teenagers' I-want-to-move-out-but-can't-handle-it-on-my-own house, whatever you want to call it :)

And Reason #4, and one of the most important reasons, is this lovely couple. Lyndsay & Luis are great people and great friends and I know Todd would love to be able to see them on a regular basis. And they admitted (without a lot of coersion) that they would love to be able to see our family anytime, too. I LOVED my time with them and hope to be able to do it again before too long.

Unfortunately, there are also reasons that Todd would not live in Larned, Kansas.

As you can see from this picture of Robben on our walk, it gets pretty cold in Larned. I can't say it was "freezing", because I think it was about 36 this day. Robben didn't mind. He borrowed Lyndsay's gloves and was good to go. He really doesn't complain about much, and as long as he's outside, he's happy, weather be darned. Oh, you can see the brick roads in this picture, too. They really should paint them yellow, don't you think?

But the Number One, no compromising reason that Todd could never live in Larned is...

L-A-R-N-E-D. He has a real issue with this name. He thinks it sounds like a word said backwards. He says it is just a strange combination of letters and sounds. He has a hard time saying it without a giggle. I heard a couple of other Kansas natives say the name, and they pronounced it Larnerd. He says that's a little better. I, personally, don't really mind the name, but as a good little wife, I respect my husband's opinion...even if it's wrong :)